Torture
by saraotaku
Summary: I could put a summary here, but I don't want to and you can't make me!


Disclaimer

I do not, sadly, own any of the CCS characters in this fanfic. Clamp does. Now that that's over with, on with the fic.

Four teenage kids, two boys, two girls, sat gathered around a table with a woman none of them knew at its head. A large pile of paper sat in the middle of said table and they each eyed it apprehensively.

"I have gathered you here today in order to set the record straight," the imposing figure said quietly. "As you can see, your series spawned a number of fan fictions. Before we continue, I would like to point out that there are some that were actually quite good, but those are not included in the stack you see in front of you. I would like you to each take one, read it, and then give me your comments."

The first to take a story was the boy in glasses, followed by the brown-haired boy. The two girls reluctantly followed suit, almost cringing at the thought of having to read whatever may lie in the pages they chose. The woman at the head of the table simply sat back in her chair and waited for the fun to begin (insert evil laughter here).

Not five minutes had passed when a muffled shriek of outrage escaped the lips of one of the girls. Huffing in an irritated way, she flipped her black hair over her shoulder and continued reading. Not shortly after that, the boy with glasses began chuckling quietly. A few more minutes went by and the green-eyed girl suddenly gave a violent start, almost smacking her head into the table.

The final reaction was by far the best. The boy with brown hair blushed redder and redder until he finally lost consciousness from too much blood to his brain.Once he was revived, the mysterious person who had called them together cleared her throat.

"I take it you all have had time to peruse these…errr…stories, so are you ready to begin commentary?"

"I'd like to begin," the girl with black hair said. "My name is Daidouji Tomoyo and I would just like to know where in the hell these people come up with this crap!! They could have at least paired me with an interesting person and not…ERIOL!"

"Hey!" the boy with glasses interrupted. "That's not very nice! I'm very interesting! And," he continued with a look of mirth, "apparently a sex fiend."

The other two sitting at the table burst into laughter.

"Really!" Tomoyo said. "In case it is not very obvious to the writer of this story, I have never been into guys! Is it not clear enough? Do I need to spell it out for them?!"

"In all fairness Tomoyo," Eriol replied, "they could have been watching the American version. We all know how accurately they portray same sex relationships there. Need I remind you of the 'cousins' in Sailor Moon?" Tomoyo made an exasperated noise and fell silent.

"Yeah," the green eyed girl piped up. "For crissake, they started our series off on the eighth episode!"

"Well, it could be worse," the brown haired boy said. "At least we all stayed as girls and boys. Zoicite and Fish Eye weren't so lucky."

"This is true Syaoran, but still. Your name wasn't changed to Madison! Madison! I mean really, come on! Why would you even want to watch that Americanized drivel when the internet makes everything so damn accessible?" Tomoyo snapped.

"People!" the woman yelled. "I think we're a little off topic here. I will definitely agree that the American version "CardCaptors" really does suck in all aspects except for the animation itself because they can't change that, thank god. However, the reason that we are here is to discuss the fanfiction."

"And on that topic," Eriol said, "when did I transform into the world's biggest sex maniac? And what happened to Kaho? Did she just disappear? Or maybe the authors didn't really like her character?" Laughter was the only response that Eriol got.

"With Tomoyo no less!" he added, highly offended. "On top of that, they also apparently think that I am some crazy lunatic who runs around laughing like a madman!" Laughter met his ears again.

"Eriol," Syaoran gasped out between bouts of laughter, "Did it ever occur to you that your character may lead some people to believe that? I mean, all it would take is a little push in the right direction…" His voice trailed off as he could no longer breath from laughing too much.

"Yeah, well," Eriol grumbled. "What were you turning so red about?" Syaoran abruptly fell silent.

"Nothing."

"Yeah Syaoran," the green eyed girl inquired. "What was your problem?"

"Well…Iwashavingsexwithyou," he blurted out.

"You were what?"

"I was having sex with you Sakura," he said, stressing every word. "It's embarrassing to read about. However, the grammar and spelling were so poor I'm still not entirely sure if that's what I was doing or not!"

"Bwa ha ha!" Sakura burst into laughter yet again.

"Actually, that was something that I noticed in my story as well," Tomoyo said. "Are run-on sentences an art now? Do people not know the beauty of spell and grammar check or something?" Eriol grinned.

"Maybe they were all just written by elementary school age kids. Because if they weren't I know some people who will never pass English class!"

"Yeah," remarked the woman. "I don't know about you, but my writing skills were better than that in middle school."

"Definitely!" Tomoyo exclaimed. "Even Syaoran and Sakura's writing skills were better than that in middle school."

"Thanks a lot," they said at the same time.

"Sakura," Eriol asked, "What was your story about?"

"Well, I think it was the authors attempt at a Cinderella/Sakura crossover. I cried an awful lot. And felt sorry for myself. And then you Syaoran, come to rescue me on a white horse and we lived happily ever after." An unladylike snort came from Tomoyo's end of the table.

"What I don't get is why the author even thought my character was like that! Do I spend most of my time crying or something?"

"No," Eriol replied. "You're not Sakura from Naruto. Maybe they're confusing the two?"

"Must be!" Syaoran said. "Although I actually like that show, I must admit that Sakura is just annoying as crap with all that crying."

"Yeah…" Sakura said. "I cried a few times. But not in every episode! And where on earth did they get the idea that I am so weak? Yes, granted, it is the story of Cinderella, but that was so diluted it could have been Sleeping Beauty for all I know. My character is actually a very strong character in Card Captor Sakura, not some helpless girl. I did beat out Syaoran after all."

"Thanks for reminding me," he muttered.

"Also," Sakura spoke up again. "Something in my story was very confusing. Since when were my brother OR Yukito into girls?"

"Oh, we are not bringing up the whole same sex relationship conversation again are we?"

"No, I was just curious. Did they ever lead anyone to believe otherwise?"

"Honestly," the woman said, "I have come to conclusion that people are uncomfortable with certain types of situations. If they themselves are not comfortable with a same sex relationship, they will change one they are writing about. Also, girls are crazy."

"Amen to that," Eriol said. "I have a question for you now. Who are you?"

"Me? Oh, just a fanfiction writer."

"Excuse me? Please tell me you didn't write any of these monstrosities!" Sakura cried.

"Like I said Sakura," the woman replied. "My writing skills were WAY better than these attempts by the time I was in middle school. Not that I'm bragging. I would not even dare to say that my works are on the same level as the best. I did mention that there were some good ones out there right?"

"Yeah," Tomoyo said. "But I'm guessing that those are like finding a diamond in the rough."

"Yes," the authoress replied. "Yes they are. And believe me, you haven't even touched the surface of how disturbingly bad some of these fanfics are. There's made up cards that don't really have a purpose, there's stories where everyone dies, multiple fairy tale take-offs, then there's my favorite: the never ending supply of movies that were bad to begin with - with all of you written in. I can keep going if you would like."

"No, no," Sakura said hastily. "That's okay. I actually have somewhere to be…"

"Me too!" both Eriol and Syaoran added.

"I'm just disturbed beyond belief enough for today," Tomoyo said. "So I'm going to go home to my girlfriend."


End file.
